Coping in the Moment
- 1Figure out your personal boundaries. Before you can figure out which behaviors to address, consider your own boundaries. You want to have a firm understanding of what you are and are not okay with in your relationship.
2Address the issue as it comes up. You do not want to let any resentment simmer in a relationship. You should also feel comfortably routinely speaking up for your rights and boundaries. The second your boyfriend crosses a line, let him know.
- You should never feel bad about asserting your boundaries. If a behavior makes you uncomfortable or unhappy, you have every right to address it. Do not worry about your boyfriend’s feelings when considering where you draw the line.
- Think about what behaviors bother you. You may not mind your boyfriend expressing appreciation for your body in private; however, intimate touching in public may seem embarrassing. Try to have a list of boundaries in your head. In the future, you will know when to speak up.
3Be gentle, but firm. Being assertive does not have to mean being aggressive. You do not want to start an argument with your boyfriend. When you are addressing problem behaviors, be clear and direct about your feelings without being aggressive.
- For example, say you do not like it when your boyfriend makes demeaning comments about your butt. Even in private, you do not like to be talked about in an overly sexual way.
- If you are hanging with your boyfriend and he makes such a comment, do not get angry, but don’t stay silent. Immediately address the issue. Say something like, “I don’t like it when you talk about me like that.”
4Accept your rights in the situation. Many people feel responsible for the feelings of those around them, or that being nice means avoiding confrontation at all costs. This is not the case. If your boyfriend gets annoyed or angry when you assert yourself, this is not your problem. You have rights in your relationship and a right to say who can touch your body — and when and how they can touch it — and no one has the right to violate them.
- There is no need to raise your voice or snap at your boyfriend. You can simply state your issue in a calm, clear voice. Avoid argumentative or angry language. Be polite, but also firm.
- For example, say you dislike it when your boyfriend grabs your butt in public. If this occurs, say something like, “I really don’t like it when you do that. I feel uncomfortable.”
- Stand strong if your boyfriend makes you feel bad for asserting yourself. He may resist your resistance to the situation, and try to say something like, “It’s not that big of a deal,” or, “I can’t help if it I’m attracted to you.”
- You are not responsible for your boyfriend’s feelings. His right to express himself does not take priority over your right to feel respected. Do not feel bad if your boyfriend gets frustrated by your response. Remember, you have the right to feel safe and comfortable in a relationship. No one should disrespect that right.
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Source: wikihow. com